June 7, 2017

Life is going. I’m just working everyday and painting and working on my house. Settling in to life alone, I guess.

Robbie had a date today. She sounded kind of slutty to me. I was talking to him and she was texting him pictures of herself in her underwear. So tacky. She ended up canceling. She said someone died.

I do not want to deal with people like this. No dating for me ever.

Ah, Jamey Johnson,In Color. Robbie sent me this one and it’s always been a favorite of mine.

Oh, and he invited me over for steak and potatoes. This guy is a crack up. I missed him so much.

He posted something on Facebook that made him cry, he said. How has no one snatched this guy up?

June 6, 2017

I got home today and had a mini melt down. I still cry occasionally. My future seems overwhelming. What am I’m going to do? I don’t want to date or get married and that means I’ll be alone forever. I told Robbie what was going on and he is so sweet and talks to me about everything. I can tell him anything. I told him I was not ever going to date or get married and he was like ever? I was like nope, not ever.

He called and we chatted and I feel way better now.

It’s so nice to wake every day to a text from him telling me to have a good day. It starts my day off right.

June 1, 2017

I’m feeling so normal its scary. I rarely cry and that makes me feel so guilty but I feel good and I’m starting to get out by myself. Being married with kids, I was never alone. I don’t remember the last time I went to the grocery store alone. Or any store for that matter.

It sounds ridiculous but now I go to the store and I feel like a grown up. I’ve been on my own since I was 20, married with three kids and here I am at 46 buying fruit in my grocery store and I feel like a grown up. I feel, I don’t know, not heavy? I’m looking forward to the future for the first time in along time.

I’m still talking to Robbie . He makes me laugh. He invited me over for tacos again for dinner and tells me he is sitting in his couch suit. I’m so happy we reconnected.

He told me that Taylor Swift song “Breath” reminds him of Luke and I. He loves music and keeps telling me about all these songs and bands. I don’t think I’ve watched TV in days. I’ve got way too much music to catch up on!

I told Robbie I was doing so much better and he asked me why. I told him it was because of him. He has just talked to me and made me happy. I’m actually leaving my room now and doing things alone. He makes me feel secure and capable. It’s so weird. I have never been emotional. I have always kept everything to myself and I find myself pouring my heart out to him. I’ve never been so open and vulnerable with anyone. I’m glad he isn’t married or with anyone. I need him in my life right now.

He keeps asking when we can hang out. I’d love to see him. We are talking about meeting half way.

May 29, 2019

I have been talking to Robbie everyday. We text all day and talk for hours on the phone at night. I’m not so sad anymore. He distracts me and makes me laugh.

He loves baseball and loves the Mets. He comes home from work and puts his clothes in the washer and sits around in his underwear. He calls that his couch suit. He also cooks all the time and tells me to come eat. It’s funny since he is 6 hours away.

I’ve been redoing my entire house. I have pulled all the carpet out of every room. I have also painted the living room and stairwell. The stairwell was such a pain. It’s tall and it was dark wood so I had to primer it twice. Then paint it twice. It took days and I am so sore.

May 20,2017

I was getting my nails done today, scrolling thru Facebook and right there on my suggested friends was Robbie. I was excited to see his smiling face! I’ve missed him so much. I can’t believe it’s been 27 years.

I met him when we were 10. I had always felt close to him but I don’t know why. I told him everything and I cared what he thought of me. I’ve rarely cared what anyone thought of me. I especially don’t care, now.

His dad worked for the railroad and he was transferred to the Midwest when we were 17. To the middle of no where.

The last time I saw him, we were 19. He drove through our old neighborhood and Luke and Austin saw him at the store and invited him over. He was driving around the country aimlessly in his VW van. He had this wild, curly long brown hair. Robbie was never one to want to fit in. He did what he wanted when he wanted but he was never a jerk about it. He was always the class clown.

I was so happy to see him. I took Beau to my parents so they could watch him and when I went back to Luke’s, Robbie was just….gone. No goodbye.

I’ve messaged his brother Parker a few times over the years to tell Robbie hello and to give him my number but nothing ever came of it.

I messaged him to say hello. He’s never been married and has no kids. He lives 6 hours north of me.

He is good handsome, too. 6’4″, short hair and full of tattoos. I’m glad he cut his hair.

He’s going to make some woman very happy if he ever settles down. He is the sweetest guy.

He has worked in the food industry and played in bands for twenty years. He has led a crazy life but he says he mellowed out about four years ago. Now he is a conductor for the railroad.

He asked called him and we talked until my phone died! I’m so glad I found him again.