June 12, 2017

I went to work and told Charlotte and Em about my feelings for Robbie. They said they KNEW. That every thing I say starts with “Robbie said…”

Why didn’t they tell me this? I’m not used to having friends to talk too. I’ve isolated myself away for years. I have never invited anyone over because I never knew if one of Luke’s friends or enemies or even the Police would show up. So no one came over and I have never talked to anyone about my personal life. Not my real life. Not even Daisy.

I started crying. I’ve cried more this year than I’ve cried my entire life. I told them I was done talking to him. That I was never going to put myself in a position to get hurt again even if I had to lose Robbie again.

They told me to think about it first. They argued with me for 20 minutes and told me I need to just let it happen. That I need to let nature take its course. I told them that there was nothing they could say to change my mind.

Then Charlotte said “What if Luke sent him to you?”

I asked her what she was talking about. I could not believe she was telling me that Luke wanted me to date Robbie. That is just ridiculous. Luke was the most jealous man on the planet.

Then she said to look at the timing. That I had missed Robbie for thirty years. That after Luke died no one would have helped me the way Robbie did. She also said, “What if this is Luke’s way of making up for all the crappy things he did over the last thirty years and you throw it all away out of fear?”

That blew my mind. What if she is right? Everything happens for a reason and what if I just walk away from this and I blow my life plan? My only chance at happiness?

I am so scared because I know I have to tell Robbie how I feel. What if he doesn’t have these same feelings? What if I get hurt?

This won’t end well. I know it.

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