June 11, 2017

I missed Robbie all weekend. He texted me Saturday night to tell me he missed me. He said the drive over the Sierra’s was beautiful and it reminded him of me. That made me smile. It made my heart skip a beat. It scared me.

He called me as soon as he got home Sunday. He told me that he went out drinking with some old friends and at the end of the night an old friend of his was too drunk, she said, to make it home. He was checking into a hotel and she said she didn’t have any money. He got a room with a double bed. As he was drifting off to sleep, she crawled naked, into bed with him. He laughed. I laughed. A forced, fake laugh.

I asked him what happened and he said he told her no. That it wasn’t happening.

I wanted to hurt her. I have feelings. I have feelings for Robbie.

I can’t talk to him anyone. I can’t do this. I promised myself I would never do this again. This relationship, love, lies, betrayal, HURT bullshit.

I’m going to miss him.

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