June 1, 2017

I’m feeling so normal its scary. I rarely cry and that makes me feel so guilty but I feel good and I’m starting to get out by myself. Being married with kids, I was never alone. I don’t remember the last time I went to the grocery store alone. Or any store for that matter.

It sounds ridiculous but now I go to the store and I feel like a grown up. I’ve been on my own since I was 20, married with three kids and here I am at 46 buying fruit in my grocery store and I feel like a grown up. I feel, I don’t know, not heavy? I’m looking forward to the future for the first time in along time.

I’m still talking to Robbie . He makes me laugh. He invited me over for tacos again for dinner and tells me he is sitting in his couch suit. I’m so happy we reconnected.

He told me that Taylor Swift song “Breath” reminds him of Luke and I. He loves music and keeps telling me about all these songs and bands. I don’t think I’ve watched TV in days. I’ve got way too much music to catch up on!

I told Robbie I was doing so much better and he asked me why. I told him it was because of him. He has just talked to me and made me happy. I’m actually leaving my room now and doing things alone. He makes me feel secure and capable. It’s so weird. I have never been emotional. I have always kept everything to myself and I find myself pouring my heart out to him. I’ve never been so open and vulnerable with anyone. I’m glad he isn’t married or with anyone. I need him in my life right now.

He keeps asking when we can hang out. I’d love to see him. We are talking about meeting half way.

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