April 15, 2017

I’m a creature of habit. Same thing every day. If anything changes I worry that something bad will happen.

I’m working today. I hate getting up so early on Saturdays. I’m so afraid I’m not going to hear my alarm so I set it for 3 different times. The first one goes off at 4:00am then 2 more over the next few minutes. And I snooze. You always hated that I hit snooze.

I lay in bed until midnight. I don’t sleep well anymore. I wake up at 3:33am. I try to sleep for the next 20 minutes but that doesn’t happen. I snooze until 4:20.

I get up and do the same thing I do every work day. I walk over and turn the wall heater on and put my phone charger in my bag. Grab my robe and towel and put them in the bathroom. When I go downstairs I hold on to the railing like kids do and I swing. I don’t swing because it’s fun. I swing because my feet hurt. It makes me feel old. I’m only 46. I step to the side on the 2nd step since it creaks so loudly.

I turn the wall heater on, then the coffee pot. I head back upstairs. Go pee, jump in the shower. I wash my hair, my face, exfoliate my face and rinse it all. Then I put conditioner in, shave my arms and legs, wash my body and rinse.

I get out and dry off from the feet up, put the towel on my hair and then put my robe on. I use q-tips to clean my ears then lotion my face and neck. I swing down the stairs, stepping on the side of the 2nd step. I grab my coffee cup on the counter from the day before and set it in the sink with water running in it to rinse it out while I get my creamer out of the fridge.

I shut the water off and pour my coffee then my creamer then my sugar. The last few weeks, every morning I tell myself I’m going to buy some coffee stirrers so I don’t have to dirty a spoon. They must be like $2.00 on Amazon for like 1,000 of them I bet. I never remember to buy them. I’m so forgetful lately.

I walk up the stairs into my room. I tell my husband good morning. I pick my clothes out. Today it’s a black shirt with lace at the shoulders, ripped at the knee boyfriend jeans and black sandals. I put my makeup on, the same way I do every day. Foundation, then lipstick, eyeshadow, just a brown streak in the crease of my lid. Eyeliner, then mascara.

I take my robe off and put my underwear and shirt on. I take the towel off my head and realize I forgot to condition my hair. And I forgot to shave. I sit on my bed and blow-dry my hair. I cry as I do this.

When my hair is dry I put my jeans and sandals on. It’s still pitch black out but I open my blinds and my window. My plant needs the sun. I like the fresh air.

I turn the heat off and grab my purse and bag. I walk to the bed. I put my fingers to my lips and then my fingers to my husband’s lips, thru the glass in the picture frame. I tell him have a good day.

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