October 2, 2018

I think Luke slept with someone.

Saturday, Wyatt and I were driving back from the store. He mentioned something about Luke’s obituary. I told him that I had no idea that he had one. The mortuary must have posted one. Wyatt told me that Drew googled Luke’s name and it popped up. It’s online and people can post on it.

There was one post from some girl named Juliette. It seemed intimate to me. Like she knew him well. I knew all his friends or at least I’d heard of them. I didn’t remember her. Luke had a Facebook but I wasn’t his friend on there. He asked me to be but I didn’t want his friends seeing my personal life.

She talked about how she couldn’t believe that he was gone and how special he was too her. That she missed him and she couldn’t believe he was gone so suddenly. She wanted him to look after his kids and hers too. He would always have a special place in her heart.

Who was this woman? I had no idea. I asked Wyatt if he thought Luke would have done that and he said no way.

I texted Drew about it and he said that he wouldn’t have done that. I asked him if he had any idea who she was. He told me that he went to school with her daughter and that Luke worked with her. That’s when I remembered….

In 2009, after I left Luke he was drinking a lot. I was so sick of always looking out for him and him not looking out for me. I needed to be alone. I needed to know that I could handle life on my own.

Luke usually did construction but that slows in the winter. He had gotten a job at a bed and breakfast as a handy man. When I moved out, he moved into the inn. Juliette worked there also.

Cancer does terrible things to your way of thinking. It changes your view on life. Life is suddenly scary. You lose all your innocence. You now know that anything can happen at any time because this time it actually happened to YOU.

Because of this I needed to be by myself. I also knew Luke was going to kill himself and I was so angry at him.

I had forgotten about this night until Drew reminded me of who she was. Luke called me and we got into an argument over the phone. I’d had it with everything. With his drinking and his running from problems and his irresponsibility. I told him that I wanted a divorce. I had never said said that before. But I meant it. I told him I was done and I wanted us to move on. Luke was devastated.

A couple days later I went by the Inn because I needed to talk to him. He was giving me money for dog food. We walked into his room and there was a bra on his bed. We both saw it at the same time and he said that the waitress changed in his room. I didn’t believe him. He swore nothing happened but my gut said he was lying.

I think that night I told him that I wanted a divorce he got completely trashed and slept with her. I had told him to move on. I just walked out and didn’t say a word.

I had always been loyal to Luke. I’ve always defended Luke because he was my husband. That was my one job. To take care of my husband and I think he betrayed me. I never betrayed him. Ever.

I feel stupid for being so loyal. Maybe I should have left years ago? Should I feel stupid?

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