September 9, 2018
Sunday. The weekend goes by so fast. I don’t like my job anymore. I really hope I get a job in Arizona. I spoke with the recruiter and he is really nice. I explained my situation, you know, widow, kids gone, California is expensive, no family here, Yada Yada Yada. He said he would help me find a job. I’m going to take a pay cut. I really don’t want too, but to get out of here and have a better quality of life, I’ll do it. I mean, not a huge pay cut but I’ll give up maybe 8k a year. That’s how bad I want to get out of here. How bad I need a change.
I was talking to Grace more last night. I don’t like her husband. I think she’s brainwashed. I think he’s manipulative. I don’t think she realizes that. She told me that she told him that she wanted a divorce in 2005 and he threatened to kill himself. I told her that was manipulation and that even if he did that would never be her fault.
When we were going to the concert she told me that he wasn’t jealous of Parker at all, that he was more jealous of me. I had no idea what she meant but I think I do now.
Parker and her husband are friends on Facebook. They chat occasionally. She hates it. Look, it’s a weird situation but who am I to judge? I lived with an addict and an alcoholic for 30 years. Instead of leaving, I isolated myself. Looking back, I realize how stupid that was but you’re in the middle of your life and you can’t see clearly. I get that. People told me to leave and that wasn’t even a possibility to me. That’s where she is at.
I asked her if she could tell her husband that she was done with Parker, that she could still talk to him without her husband knowing. She said No, because that would be cheating on her husband and she wouldn’t ever do that.
I said just tell him that your done. You’re not doing this thing with him and Parker anymore. She said she could, but then he might find someone else and she doesn’t want to be with a strange man. That bothers me. That she feels like she doesn’t have a choice.
And wait, before anyone thinks I’m OK with any affair, I’m not, so let me explain my thinking. She’s doing this thing with Parker no matter what. There’s nothing I can say to stop it and I’m not going to judge her. I’m just trying to help her get a little clarity, to try and step back a little from the situation and just think.
And Parker. I think Grace is in love with him but I’m starting to not like Parker. I know she hasn’t told him how she really feels. I know he’s married and cheating. But doesn’t he see that she has feelings for him? How can he do this? Surely he doesn’t think that she enjoys her husband being involved…
So she can talk to Parker as much as she wants. Her husband doesn’t care. She realizes how sad that is. She also admitted that she doesn’t love her husband anymore. She said that he asks her all the time if she is in love with him and she evades the question. I think that the only thing he worries about is her leaving him. I don’t think he’s jealous of me, I think he’s worried about how much time she’s been spending with me. I think he worries that she will tell me about their life and I’ll make her realize how twisted and manipulitive he is. That I’ll tell her that it’s ok to leave him. And he’d be right. He’s an asshole and she deserves better.
I told her that therapy worked wonders for me. That she could talk to a third party who wasn’t on anyone’s side. Someone who could look at her situation and help her work thru what she really wants. I don’t think she is ready for that but I’m gonna work on her.