October 20, 2017

I picked Robbie up at the airport. It is always a madhouse there and there is no where to pull over. You just have to jump in when you see your ride and go. I was looking for him and there he was, walking in front of my car. Finally! I couldn’t keep the smile of my face.

We had a two hour drive back. We were staying in a bed and breakfast a town over from me.

I don’t let people in my house. I never have. Luke was an addict for a long time. Because of that, I always had people showing up at my house. Telling me that he owed them money. Telling me that I owed them money, by default. Threatening me. Cops showing up because Luke was involved in stuff he shouldn’t have been involved in.

It would start with him getting to know every single neighbor, even though I asked him not too. He would borrow money and never pay them back. He would invite his friends over to their houses because his friends weren’t allowed at mine.

Even when Luke didn’t live with me, he still had these people pick him up and drop him off at my house.

When people knock at my door, even today, my heart races and I get a sinking feeling in my stomach. Rarely is there any thing good on the other side. I peek out of the window as silently as I can. When I see Mormons or Jehova’s Witnesses, I am relieved.

A couple weeks after I bought my first house there was a knock at my door. My kids were too old to tell them that they couldn’t answer the door. They always had their friends stopping by. I heard the knock and walked towards it as Beau opened it. It was one of Lukes friends. I immediately told him Luke wasn’t there and was about the slam the door.

This is what I always did. I was a complete bitch to everyone and slammed the door in their face so they wouldn’t ever come back.

He held the door open and told me that I owed him money. I told him that I didn’t owe him anything and he needed to leave. He said Luke borrowed several hundred dollars from him because we needed it to close on our house. I told him that this was my house and not Luke’s, his name was not on it and I paid my own bills and didn’t borrow money from anyone. He yelled at me and told me that I was going to give him the money. He walked towards me, stepped inside my house. Beau, being 16, stepped in front of me to protect me. The guy pushed Beau so hard he flew backwards, into the wall. The guy threatened us and left. I never saw him again.

I ran for 30 years. House to house. City to city.

We moved a lot. 17 houses in 29 years. Everytime, with the promise that at the next house Luke wouldn’t tell anyone where we lived.

The last thing I wanted was to have my family or friends over and some dirt bag or the police come pounding on my door.

So I just don’t let people come over. I didn’t tell Robbie we were going to stay at a bed and breakfast. I didn’t know how to explain that. I didn’t want to explain. So I paid for the bed and breakfast and told him that I didn’t want to stay at my house with Wyatt and Rae there. He wanted to see where I lived so I told him we would stop by there tomorrow.

We drove the two hours to my city. It is always so comfortable with Robbie. We talked and listened to music and we laughed. He makes me feel so ok about life.

We dropped our stuff off and went to find someplace to get a drink. I live in a small town so everything was closed. We went to the grocery store and got some food and went back to the bed and breakfast. We ate and talked. He worked today so we fell asleep around midnight.

I love sleeping next to him. I love waking up and having his arms wrapped tightly around me.

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