May 28, 2018

Memorial day. I watched the Mets lose this morning. They have a double header but game two has been delayed due to rain. I have cleaned and done laundry all day. Wyatt and Rae and the kids have been gone all weekend. I love the peace.

I went to the grocery store deli. It’s impossible to cook for one person so I eat out every day.

The game was about to start and I decided I needed an ice cream. It’s 7pm so I figured the store won’t be busy. I decided to go in my silky pajama shorts. I didn’t feel like getting dressed when I’m just going to change back into my pajamas.

It’s trash day tomorrow so I grab the three bags of trash and drag them up the stairs to the street. I get to the street and put the trash down only to look up and see every one of my neighbors on my street standing outside. It’s the first warm weekend of the year, I should have known.

They all look at me. I look down only to notice my pasty white legs, desperately in need of a tan. Lotion, at the very least.

I decide to pretend that I’m just talking out the trash. I realize I have my purse and my keys in my hand. I am committed and have to get in my car.

Of course, the store is packed. I try and wait everyone out in the parking lot but more people keep coming. The game has already started. I tell myself, who cares and walk into the store with my pajamas and pasty white legs.

I had to do the walk of shame back at home in front of my neighbors, this time with a drum stick and a Reeses in my hand.

Fml.

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