May 20th, 2018

Last night Ryan I went to see Taylor Swift. She is amazing!! It was an awesome show. She brought out Selena Gomez and sang. I felt like a teenager. We paid $80.00 for parking because I didn’t want to walk for miles and Ryan complained about that. I love that kid. He doesn’t get along with his mom so he looks at me like a mom. He’s Beau’s age and such a good kid.

I got in to it with my mom over text message and ended up crying. She wants me to fly out there and I told her that I can’t afford it right now. She said that my life is a “fucking mess”, which its not. It’s just me trying to get by. I don’t love my job but I stay there because its stable and I have bills to pay. I told her that she was lucky to have a husband who had always made good money and she had never had to worry about money. She told me not to blame her because I made bad life choices.

I told her I was going to find another job and move and she said I was a mess and I was feeling sorry for myself. I’m not. I’m just trying to make my life better. I’m just trying to find happiness.

I’m 47 and she still makes me feel bad about myself.

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