Mom

My mom.  Let’s see.  She is a 5’7, 130 pound blonde who says whatever is on her mind.  Like me, but I really try not to be hurtful.  Unless I intend it to be hurtful. She doesn’t seem to care. Or get it.

My mother is unemotional.  No I love you’s or hugs from her.  My step dad Charlie is the same way.  Charlie never had kids and never wanted any.  My mom got pregnant by him and she had an abortion.

Charlie was her next door neighbor growing up.  They got together after my mom and dad got divorced.  I was two.  They are still married.

I lived in a perfectly clean house in perfect neighborhood and I had brand new everything and went to a private school.  Every thing looked perfect from the outside.  I was expected to act perfect also.

I got straight A’s and made the honor roll up until high school.  In 8th grade I got a B in math.  I was bad at math then and I still am.  My mom was so upset with that B. She was so disappointed in me.

Charlie and my mom were young.  They both drank.  I hated it.  They both drank my entire childhood.

My mom was born and grew up in upstate New York. Her mom, my Nana was one of 15 kids so my mom grew up with tons of aunts and uncles and cousins.  She was very close to her grandma, My great grandma Rose. My mom also went to private school. She was really happy up until that point.

Until Nana ran off with Big Shane when  my mom was 8.  She was dragged off to California and put in public school.  Big Shane was also very abusive.

My mom got pregnant at 16. Her and my dad got married. My paternal grandparents always had money so at 16 they were married with a nice house, a grocery store to run, she had a brand new Mustang and my dad had a brand new Harley Davidson.

Immediately after they got married they moved into a brand new apartment.  My mom told me his girlfriends would call the house and ask for him.  I imagine their marriage was volitile.  I know my mom and she had a terrible temper and she’s vindictive.  I’m the same.  Hopefully not as bad as  her.

They ran their grocery store, Colburn Brothers it was called. My mom said their brothers and their friends would come down and drink all the alcohol. They partied all the time and she worked a lot.

It was cheaper to unload the delivery trucks yourself when they came.  My dad was gone and my mom unloaded a delivery truck by herself. She was six months pregnant.

The next day she went into labor. Back then you did it all by yourself. No one was in the room with you.  The labor and delivery was quick. My brother was born and he was really small. They whisked him away.

Nana wouldn’t  leave the hospital. She checked on her first grandson constantly.  On day two a nurse took her aside and told her that he was strong and that he was going to be OK.  She convinced her to go home and shower and eat.  She did and when she came back three hours later she was told my brother had died. Nana was devastated. My mom didn’t talk about it.

My dad kept telling my mom that his parents would take care of everything.  She assumed he meant financially.  They had to go home to a nursery with no baby.

My mom told me about him when I was 8 years old.  I was so shocked. I walked into the kitchen and my step dad was there. I asked him if he had seen my brother. He had no idea what I was talking about. He went into the living room to talk to my mom and I ran into my room.  How did he not know?

Shortly after my brother died, the house burned down with my moms cats inside, they lost the store and my dad wrecked the Harley.  My mom is positive that this happened because at 13 years old she did a spell so her step dad, big Shane would die. He didn’t die and she says that everything you do comes back on you three fold.

When my mom was young, elementary school I think, Nana’s sister Dee Dee and her family moved to California. When I was a kid they would come to visit and I was never allowed to leave my moms side and I hated it. I wanted to play with their three kids and couldn’t unless my mom was there and she never was.

When I was an adult my mom told me that when she was little she went to spend the night with aunt DeeDee. They lived two hours away. Aunt Dee Dee was probably in her early 20s or maybe even a teenager still and she had married a man in his 30s. No one liked him.

My mom told me that she was sleeping on the couch and Aunt Dee Dee’s husband walked in totally naked. She has never told me what happened but she told me she ended up hysterically crying on the bathroom floor. Aunt Dee Dee heard her and came in. She asked her what was wrong and my mom wouldn’t tell her. She told her she just wanted to go home. Aunt Dee Dee called Nana and her and Big Shane came to get her in the middle of the night. On the way home my mom told Nana what happened. Nana told her that was her only family out here and she wasn’t to say a thing about what happened.

I think that their relationship was so damaged in that moment that they never got it back. How do you forgive your parent for doing nothing?

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