July 31, 2017

I came home early from work today. I’m starting to get anxiety attacks. I’m crying all the time. Every time Charlotte or Em asks me about Robbie I break down. They ask me why and I tell them that I don’t know. Because I don’t. I think they think he’s being a jerk to me and I don’t want to admit it to them.

They don’t know me that well. I’m a private person. I always have been. When Luke died they stepped in and told everyone at work to not talk to me about it. Now I’ve shut down on them. This is my normal. I’m private. I would never have told them about Robbie but I’m not myself. Now I’m trying to be private and they keep prying. All these emotions just bubble over and I can’t control them. I can’t stop crying. But I can’t, or won’t, explain why.

Robbie and his friend and brother were over his house all weekend. He texted me all weekend but I didn’t talk to him on the phone. I need him. I know it’s a burden to him to but I can’t help it. He is the only thing that keeps me sane. He told me to call him next time and to just tell him I need him. He’s always so sweet.

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