Today was an OK day. I went to counseling the other day and I feel better. She asked me why I was there. I went through my life, my parents, my grandma, my family, cancer, Luke’s death and she asked me why, when I talked about all the trauma in my life, didn’t cry or get emotional at all?
She asked me if I had people that I could talk to. I told her there were three people that I have always felt really connected to. One person was Luke, the other person was Daisy and then there was Robbie. The second I said his name, I started sobbing and I didn’t stop for the rest of the time I was there. She told me that it was good that I was expressing emotions because it’s not normal to hold everything in.
I am normally so non-emotional and every time I talk to him I just cry my eyes out. I am so emotional. I don’t know how to stop.
The counselor said it’s because he’s the only person that I feel like I can trust. I am able to open up to him. I am dumping all my emotions on him and I know that’s not good. I know I’m burdening him with all my trauma and my problems. I hate it.
I know that I need to stop hanging onto him so hard. I need to learn how to be on my own. I know if I don’t stop I’m going to lose him forever.
I’m gonna try and start getting out and doing stuff. I think I’m going to join the gym with Annie.