August 8, 1988

I am a couple of weeks away from my due date. I’m watching crazy women on TV trying to go into labor because it’s 8-8-88. They are walking every where and drinking casterol oil. I don’t know exactly what that is but it sounds terrible. I’m not due until the third week of August. Also, I am in no hurry to birth a baby. I weigh 138 pounds now.

I wake up early in the morning the next day with a terrible back ache. I keep getting in and out of the shower. It’s getting worse. My mom hears me in and out of the bathroom and tells me it’s probably labor and we need to go to the hospital. My aunt is my labor coach and she is on vacation. I call Luke over and over and there is no answer. He lives with Clint and Sky and they have shut their ringer off. I do not want to have this baby alone.

I call Austin and he picks up, thank God! I tell him I’m in labor and he needs to go tell Luke. He says OK, he is awake and he’s going to work and he will wake up Luke. They all work together and meet at Clint’s every day.

We leave for the hospital and they put me in the labor room. My mom sits in a chair at the end of my bed with her purse in her lap. I said ”shit this hurts”. She tells me to watch my language and I tell her to leave. She leaves and she doesn’t come back until after Beau is born.

I’m in a dark room and my back is killing me. The nurse comes in and tells me that I need an enema. I have no idea what that is. She tells me it will make me feel better and I’m all for feeling better. She tells me to roll over. There is so much pressure down there that I have no idea what she’s doing. I’m hooked up to all kinds of machines.

She tells me I need to go to the bathroom. I tell her no thanks. She tells me yes, I need to go. I tell her no, I really don’t. She then explains to me what an enema is. I get up and run to the bathroom, dragging this machine with me. I sit on the toilet alone and cry. It would have been so much easier to buy condoms.

The nurse comes back in and gives me something called Demerol. It knocks me out. I wake up in the middle of contractions then pass back out. I wake up in the delivery room. I am flat on my back. They have strapped my wrists to the bed, probably because I am so young and alone. I keep passing out and they are trying to wake me up so I can push.

The nurse keeps calling me Bama and I tell her that I hate that name. She is telling me that I’m pushing wrong. How do you push wrong? She tells me to push like I have to go to the bathroom. I remember someone telling me that when you give birth that any mess you make you in the delivery room you have to clean up yourself. I don’t want to clean up any gross mess.

The doctor keeps telling me to look. Every time I open my eyes I’m looking at a mirror of me giving birth so I refuse to open my eyes. He is finally born and I’m so relieved. I still won’t open my eyes.

They are taking me now to the recovery room. I see Sky running down the hallway towards me. She is saying over and over that she is so sorry. Apparently Austin fell back asleep and didn’t get to Luke’s until after they left to work. Sky came as soon as she heard. Beau was born at 7:33am. Sky was telling me how beautiful he was and I realized that he was nestled in my arm. He is so adorable, this little guy that Luke and I made.

My mom was right behind her. She went with me to the recovery room. I decided not to breast feed because I was young and it seemed weird to have a baby attached to my boob. They gave me a shot to dry up my milk. Neither my mom nor my Nana breastfed.

I got up from the bed to the gurney to go to my room and blood went everywhere, pooled all over the floor. I thought I was hemorrhaging . What the hell, is this normal? My mom had no clue. She said it was gross. The nurse said it was normal.

My mom went home so I could rest . I got to my room and the nurse handed me a sanitary napkin. It was huge. I had no idea what it was our what to do with it. I told her I had no idea what to do with it. She helped me put this on. FYI, It’s a pad with no sticky back on it…

Awhile later I had to go pee. I went to the bathroom and there was a tray in the toilet. I took it out to pee. I went to put it back and I saw a huge blood clot in the toilet. I went crying, walking down the hallway towards the nurse. I told her that I was pretty sure my liver fell out in the toilet. She laughed and said that was normal also.

That night Luke showed up to meet his son. He didn’t know he was born until he got home from work. He didn’t take a shower, he just jumped in the car and came to the hospital. I had missed him. He held little Beau, he looked at me and I knew he regretted everything.

They released me the next morning. I was bringing home this little baby and I had no clue how to take care of him.

I weighed 113 pounds.

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